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“This is absolute dragon shite!” he announced loudly, letting himself into James and Lily’s place uninvited. He dropped his duffle on the floor near the door, all of his workout clothes and study materials inside. Had he not enchanted it to basically be a weightless, bottomless pit so he could fit all of his things in it at once, it would have been bulging at the seams and weighed as much as he did. Alright, perhaps he was exaggerating, but having to clear out all his shit from his locker and desk at work was an awful lot. He wasn’t in the mood to be very literal right now. He preferred thinking in exaggerations and hyperboles. “They’re never going to have an Auror as good as me! Bloody tossers!” Sirius dramatically flopped himself onto the sofa, his face buried in a decorative cushion Lily had told him repeatedly not to muss up. “Prongs! I’m whining over here! Come acknowledge me!” Agent Humbert had warned him repeatedly that this could happen, then that it was likely to happen, but for it to actually have happened seemed to truly shock Sirius. He’d been kicked out of the Auror trainee academy. He wasn’t going to be an Auror! This had totally come out of left field, aside from the repeated lectures and warnings and write-ups. A total shock!

What made a drinking partner a great one depended on the occasion. In this case, Sirius needed a drinking buddy that would drink. Lunete could drink, therefore she checked the only necessary box. But Lunete needed a drinking buddy who could help her shake off a bit of whatever it was that had her looking like she’d rather crawl into a hole for a year, and that was definitely where Sirius would shine. “I think you’ll be great company,” he countered. “You’re already doing the trick. Look at this smile.” He gave her a toothy, cheesy grin. “I wasn’t beamin’ like this a minute ago. That’s all you, doll.” Okay, now he was starting to sound like a used broomstick salesman. He reined himself in a bit. It was obvious that while Sirius wanted to go out for the hell of it, to blow off some steam after a monotonous day of getting his arse handed to him by Agent Humbert, Lunete really did need to get out. Whether it was for a drink or a shag or just some sodding fresh air, the once fiery Auror trainee had been reduced to a sad little lump of a thing and her expression now as she tried to feign interest and sincerity made Sirius want to push a little harder to talk her into it. A bit for his own selfish reasons, but mostly this chick just needed to shake things up. Sirius was a marvelous shaker. “Come on. One drink, on me, and if I bore you into wanting to leave then at least you got a free drink out of it, right? Couldn’t hurt.” He winked at her and then raised his eyebrows, waiting for her to give in to the possibility of a good time.

Merlin, this witch was such a predictable pureblooded heiress. “I’m sure I won’t be able to not think about it.” Sat in front of easily one of the best looking wizards in the whole bloody Ministry and she was talking about losing weight. Sure, there was a heavy overture of shagging involved in her words, but it was just so bloody predictable. All of it. It was exactly what his mother would have said to one of the caterers when she thought no one was listening, because gods forbid you ever not think about your figure, even when you’re trying to shag the hired help at your own party. Sirius had a phenomenal metabolism, allowing him to eat practically whatever he wanted without getting pudgy, not like poor Wormtail who would have had two bites of this cake and had to unbuckle his trousers. Peter had the body of a toddler, Remus of an old hobo, leaving Sirius and James the two Lotharios of the group. With James going off and marrying Evans, that really only left Sirius as the desirable, eligible bachelor between the Marauders. Not to say Remus and Peter weren’t attractive, they simply had an unconventional look about them neither of them were what you’d call a lady’s man. He wouldn’t kick either of them out of bed because, as he’d told all of his friends at one point or another, they were animals. Fuck, he was funny. So many brilliant animagi jokes and he spared not a single one of them on his friends. Evie, on the other hand…

Leaning forward to scoop another bite on his fork, Sirius held the cake up for Evangeline. There was something sexy about a woman eating what was fed to her but Sirius was also curious how far her stuck up views of appearance would allow her to take this flirting. Would she eat the bite he offered her or play coy? He could only keep this up for so long before he’d have to leave out of frustration because there was no way he was going home with what could very well be one of his mother’s spies.

Her words, meant to be encouraging, had the opposite effect, though Sirius didn’t let on. If Agent Humbert was never wrong, it meant Sirius wasn’t likely to become a full-fledged Auror. But he wasn’t going to let a flirty little minx dampen his spirits, even if said minx had made it through the auror training in record time and had no qualms about telling Sirius off for goofing around. And he definitely wasn’t going to sulk about his future when there was cake and long legs sitting right in front of him. “How could I pass up an offer like that?” he smirked, still watching her from his reclined position, the chair beneath him teetering on its two rear legs.

Sirius would easily forgo Evangeline’s offer to be his training partner, partly because sporting a semi wasn’t conducive to dueling – magical or physical – but also because he wasn’t a bloody idiot. Usually. Before leaving his parents’ home, Sirius had been forced to partake in as much of their lifestyle as they could ram down his throat and that included sitting in on those insufferable pureblood parties the Blacks deemed to be the epitome of high class. Theo and Talia Nott were friends of his parents, and any friend of the Blacks was an enemy to Sirius. Their children included. It was just harder to actually say ‘no’ when their spawn sat there in front of him, a hot dish ready to be eaten and his fork was empty.

Sirius pulled himself up from the ground, grabbing hold of his sparring partner’s wrist for added support. He was sweating and now his arse hurt from getting knocked down. His ego hurt a little, too, as Agent Humbert had scolded him for being distracted enough to not only be disarmed but to be thrown across the room as well. How was he supposed to pay attention to the training lessons with Agent Meadowes strutting around the gym in her little stretchy pants that made her bum look better than a Christmas ham? It was a shame she was porking his cousin’s ex-husband. That had been a fun day around the water cooler. When news of his cousin Bellatrix’s death began to spread, rumors that it had been Agent Meadowes who took her out began to circulate. A day later there was word that Meadowes had been involved with Bellatrix’s ex-husband, the giant knob Rodolphus Lestrange. For such a hottie, she had wretched taste in men, still, she was nice to look at around the office, right up until it got him in trouble.

Apologizing to Agent Humbert (and no longer receiving the forgiving ‘its alright, you’ll get better’ pep talk and understanding look that used to accompany it), Sirius hung back after the rest of the group was dismissed. Humbert had wanted to speak with him but it wasn’t even a delayed pep talk. It was whatever the opposite of a pep talk was. An un-pep talk. He really got his arse handed to him and Sirius couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen Dorian so enthusiastically displeased. It certainly didn’t help matters that, when Dorian asked how Sirius could be so lax with his future, Sirius told him it was because he got laid a lot and that had a tendency to relax him. Okay, so maybe that wasn’t the bit that really upset the senior Auror. It might have had to do with Sirius following his remark with a simple suggestion that Dorian “oughta try it sometime.”

By the time Sirius made it back to the locker room, the rest of the trainees had already changed and left. Just a few of the senior Agents were around, the older wizards having absolutely no shame in letting their bangers and mash air dry after a shower. Sirius averted his eyes as he showered and dressed, leaving the locker room quickly.

There had been a birthday in the office, and Sirius decided to pop into the Auror department breakroom to see if there was any cake left. It was a little dry from sitting out for a few hours, but free cake was free cake and after getting an earful from his superior officer, Sirius believed he had fully earned a fat slice of chocolate cake and glittery sprinkles.