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Post by Euphadora Rose Parkinson on Dec 18, 2017 4:41:25 GMT
30 August 1975
The mark I made on my leg last night looks like a wonky X. What does it matter? I can't get rid of this other bloody scar on my leg anyway, so I might as well add some new ones, right? It hurts but not nearly as bad I was hurting last night. Strangely, it made the other pain go away. At least for a bit. I don't suspect it will last long. Don't know if I need to bother worrying about it for much longer.
It only feels better when I bleed.
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Post by Euphadora Rose Parkinson on Dec 18, 2017 4:43:35 GMT
1 September 1975
I woke up in a stranger's bed this morning. I didn't catch his name. I don't care. He made me call him daddy and I did, that much I remember. The rest is still a blur.
We're taking the train back to school today. Mum won't be dropping us off at the train station, no surprise. I wonder what she'd say if I told her I called some strange man "daddy" last night while he spanked me. Do you think she ever called daddy "daddy"? Apparently some men like it. Daddy didn't like it enough to love me. I suppose that doesn't matter now.
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Post by Euphadora Rose Parkinson on Dec 18, 2017 4:45:18 GMT
26 September 1975
Daddy's funeral is tomorrow. Theon says I don't have to go if I don't want to. He said he'd stay with me if I chose not to go and I almost feel like he'd rather neither of us go. I don't understand him. He's sad but that's all. I suppose its easier for him that way. He's very much like daddy in that regard, though he shows affection more often. Daddy wasn't one for affectionate displays, except with mum.
Mum's got to be a wreck. She was a complete disaster when we left for school (about daddy, not about us leaving though I'm sure that was clear enough already). Merlin only knows what sort of state she'll be in tomorrow. I don't think I'll sit by her. Theon will if I ask him to trade me places but that's being presumptuous. Mum might not even want us to sit with her. She's probably forgotten us already. Daddy was the only who cared for us, he just didn't show it.
Its weird that this won't be the first dead person I'll be around. I wonder if he'll be cold? I hope mum made them put him in his blue suit, the one with the four silver buttons. He always looked so handsome in it. He should be as handsome in death as he was in life. I don't think anyone has ever been more dashing than daddy.
I don't want to say goodbye. I don't know how.
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Post by Euphadora Rose Parkinson on Dec 18, 2017 4:46:42 GMT
30 September 1975
Last night I felt loved for the first time in the longest time. I was just supposed to be studying with Bran with the library. I knew we wouldn't get far but we never even got started. I don't know what got into him. It doesn't matter, all that matters is the way he made me feel. I was special for a moment.
I showed him the Room of Requirement. It was more than I was expecting but Bran found uses for loads of things the room supplied. He tied me up and blindfolded me. It was unlike anything else I had ever experienced. It was scary. I'm not sure how I feel about it all but at least he was spending time with me. I had his undivided attention. That much was worth all the pain.
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Post by Euphadora Rose Parkinson on Dec 18, 2017 4:51:36 GMT
14 October 1975
I am pathetic. I can't make it more than a few days before I'm locking myself in the loo with my wand and praying no one hears me. I've gotten really good at cleaning up blood. The smell alone is relaxing now. Gemma cut her finger in herbology the other day and I swear it I nearly ripped her hand off to inhale it. It didn't help that we were working with nightshade. All I could think about was what would happen if I stole a bit and mixed it in with my pudding at dinner. Gemma's accident was a well-timed distraction. Apparently I'm praying for those now.
Meeting Seamus today in Hogsmeade was not such a lovely distraction. At first I thought it might be fun. He could help me get my mind off daddy and having to deal with all of those emotions, but it didn't turn out that way. He's shagging bar girls. I couldn't believe it at first. I thought he must be joking but Seamus doesn't joke like that. That hurt, to find out he liked having a casual shag but repeatedly refused me. I know I'm not particularly lovely in any way other than looks, I've nothing to offer anyone in the way of a real relationship, but if Seamus is fine having one night stands then why couldn't he have that with me? Am I that terribly dull? It shouldn't bother me that Seamus won't sleep with me but it does.
In truth there was a little bit of me that was sad to hear him confirm that he wasn't gay because at least if he were into blokes then it wouldn't be my fault that he doesn't like me that way. Since he is into witches it means there's something wrong with me in particular. I've got a list of faults from mum I can start working on. Merlin, I want a drink.
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